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I'm pretty sure just about everyone gets caught having sex by their parents at some point in life. Well maybe not if you're an orphan, but it definitely happened to me. I was playing Tetris, level 34, as the neighborhood hoe performed fellatio on my Ultra Magnus. I put in a special request to mother for some Nachos Bell Grande, assuming I'd be finished prior to delivery. Needless to say my calculations were a bit off.
Date: 1.6.09 Views: 43,109 Comments: 0
This is what America's Funniest Home Videos would've looked like had they opted to produce the x-rated special I pitched them back in 1998. The only thing that's missing is the shitty voice-overs by that talentless cocksucker Danny Tanner.
Date: 1.5.09 Views: 127,630 Comments: 0
As you might've noticed, I've been slacking off on updates lately. I guess I got a little caught up in celebrating the birth of Jesus. But no worries, I'm certain that this video will fully redeem my recent shortcomings. What better way to start off 2009 than with a little ATM disaster?
Date: 1.3.09 Views: 222,636 Comments: 0
I wonder how many men have actually lost their members to the bite of an animal. I'm sure it happens all the time with zoophiles, and deservingly so. Anyone who's dumb enough to stick their dick into something with sharp teeth deserves to have their manhood shredded.
Date: 1.1.09 Views: 172,025 Comments: 0
He was just 3 strokes away from ejaculation when the she-beast intruded. It was too late to call it quits, the payload was already underway. So he fapped on, and admist the confusion he unknowingly repositioned the aim of his penis to target his own face. One blast of seminal fluid after another, directly to his dome. Quick reflex skills might've saved him, but I'm afraid this poor chump was much too slow.
Date: 12.30.08 Views: 261,378 Comments: 0
It's only blooper if it involves a prolapse or someone unwantedly getting poo on their wang. That's the eFukt standard, you all know that. But for this, I just had to make an exception.
Date: 12.29.08 Views: 332,337 Comments: 0
Bitch needs to settle down and let the boys finish takin their myspace photos. She also needs to consider laser tattoo removal. Who the fuck gets "Jamal Junior The 3rd" permanently engraved on their ass? People these days...
Date: 12.28.08 Views: 233,692 Comments: 0
That doesn't even look too fun. Her tits look like tomatoes on the verge of exploding. I never realized breasts were so durable. Not only do they come in handy for whatever the fuck you'd call this shit, but they also serve as excellent punching bags. They're multipurpose, unlike my penis.
Date: 12.28.08 Views: 310,054 Comments: 0
Most people don't know this but that's actually Gene Wilder, about a decade prior to his Charley & The Chocolate Factory days. Many argue his best perforamce was Young Frankenstein but I beg to differ. This has oscar buzz written all over it.
Date: 12.26.08 Views: 338,759 Comments: 0
A damn fine car if I ever saw one. At 45 mpg, who the fuck needs a Prius? The real selling point here isn't the fuel efficiency though. It's the penis-like stick shift. Just fast forward to the 2.35 minute mark and see what kind of anal penetration this vehicle is capable of. It's also got 55 HP stock but if you really wanna be a baller - throw in a twin turbo and some neon lights. And ALWAYS valet that shit.
Date: 12.23.08 Views: 233,725 Comments: 0
Nice, direct access to the spinal cord. One thrust too deep and she'll be paralyzed from the tits down - which would actually be pretty cool... cause then could officially nickname your penis the "backstabber".
Date: 12.23.08 Views: 455,746 Comments: 0
Ever meet a girl who liked to make out directly after sucking your dick and/or swallowing your load? Kinda faggoty right? Here's how to combat this atrocious trend: Toss your girls salad and get some flavor going. Then grab on to your lady's face and forcefully make out with her. Don't let her squirm away. It's imperative that she has a taste of her own medicine.
Date: 12.21.08 Views: 421,985 Comments: 0
This brings back memories of the very 1st girl I met off Match.com. She was a hippy, the kind that tried to save water by not flushing the toilet and bathing less often than bums. All of this was revealed in her "about me', but I kinda skipped that part. So yeah, she wanted to 69 and I foolishly agreed not knowing that her cunt smelt like a rotting fish. Thank god for premature ejaculation though. It brought a swift end to that 20 seconds of sensory trauma
Date: 12.20.08 Views: 458,494 Comments: 0
But she does like making $200/hour. I guess having a permanently torn up pussy is a small price to pay to have it all. And by "all" - I mean a pre-owned Jetta, an assortment of pre-owned dildos and a meager amount of cocain. Yep, she has it all.
Date: 12.19.08 Views: 482,860 Comments: 0
I hate BDSM. There is no fetish more gay than BDSM. How the fuck can anyone beat off to a fat guy dripping candle wax on a pair of titties? There's no sex, it's always just some stupid shit like nipple piercing and leather whips. And speaking of leather - please ditch the studded leather pants. I know you're going for that 'evil dungeon master' look... but honestly, they only make you look like more of a faggot bro.
Date: 12.19.08 Views: 198,950 Comments: 0

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